How do you refer to yourself in the design world and in the world at large?
Lately I’ve been calling myself a graphic designer and art director. More recently, it’s been important for me to also add the word “independent” to that description – although sometimes it feels a bit too bold! I don’t use it that much just yet.
What prevents you from calling yourself “independent”?
To me, the word “independent” has associations with a designer who’s well established in the profession, who has worked with different people for a long time and earned the right to use that label. I think it’s my own mental blocks, intertwined with a lack of courage – but I’ll definitely get over them.
How often do you go through professional crises? What do they feel like?
I once came across a definition of a crisis that I really liked – it’s the moment when your old way of living and professional routine no longer works for you, but you don’t know yet how to live or work differently. Your former path is no longer relevant. It’s always a tough experience. It’s about courage and honesty with yourself, about needing to figure out and sincerely answer the question of what you want to do next. I feel like I’m just now coming out of that state. This past year has been all about emerging from a professional crisis: I decided to quit my permanent position after several years and try seeing myself as an independent designer, open to collaborating with different people. That decision became a great starting point for a new stage in my career, and I feel very comfortable in it now. At the time, though, I felt like it was the end and I was stepping into the void – that I wouldn’t find work, that I would become a nobody. But I trusted myself, and everything worked out.
What did you do to make that happen?
Everything I say might sound very cheesy — sometimes it’s hard to resonate with these kinds of phrases, especially when you haven’t had a similar experience. I was in that same position myself, reading interviews with other people about how they came out of crises and found new paths in their careers. And it all sounded so simple: someone had a hellish time, but then they just got through it. For me, what worked was choosing to trust myself. I know that I can always rely on myself, no matter what happens.
To add a bit of realism: what haven’t you managed to deal with in this process? What aspects of that crisis still linger?
This may not be directly related to that crisis, but self-criticism has always haunted me. Sometimes it overlaps with anxiety. It can be very hard to tell when I’m just worried, and when I’m actually being constructively critical of myself. There are times when my inner critic tells me I’m doing everything wrong, but when I reflect on it, I realise it’s not rooted in reality. If I really were doing everything badly, I’d have heard it from colleagues or clients. In those moments, I realise that such thoughts stem from exhaustion – and in that state, all my work feels unsuccessful or not good enough. When that happens, I try to switch off, rest, and listen to myself. Self-criticism is fine – you just have to detach the anxiety from it sometimes and identify the true source of your feeling.
How do you feel about external criticism?
Without it, it’s easy to sink deep into your own little swamp and fail to realise in time whether you’re going in the right direction. Other people’s perspectives help you navigate – you may simply overlook certain things yourself. Accepting criticism is hard, especially for anxious people, I’m sure of that. You immediately get unpleasant thoughts about yourself and your professional ability. But it’s important to set that anxiety aside and understand that the feedback isn’t about you as a professional – it’s about a specific task or design.
What is your relationship with hierarchy and power at work like? How do you feel about being subordinate or receiving assignments?
I’m fine with it. More than that, it’s important for me to work with different people, because with everyone, the dynamics of power and authority develop differently. I don’t like the word “power” in this context, because design should be built on the basis of collaboration. If strict power and subordination emerge, the design process stops being creative – you’re just doing what you’re told into the void. When someone – toxic or not – is standing over me, giving orders, that setup doesn’t work for me. It’s happened on a few projects, and I’ve always tried to leave them, because the result on my end wouldn’t be productive anyway. I really enjoy when a great collaboration comes together. When there’s an experienced creative director, art director, or lead designer, and you listen to their thinking, absorb their experience, and can also contribute your own ideas – that exchange is one of the biggest driving forces for me in this profession.
Favourite albums
How firm can you be in defending your independent stance? Where is your limit?
I’m still learning to defend my boundaries – in both work and life. It used to be so much worse! When you’re starting out, it’s really tough: you cling to any job that comes your way. Often you choose money over your own comfort. In the past year, I’ve become clearer about who I do and don’t want to work with. If something makes me uncomfortable in the work process, I try to speak up – it’s hard, but I try, because staying silent will destroy either you or the team’s entire output.
How do you view freelance work? Is it easier or harder for you than permanent employment?
Honestly, freelance is one of my favourite formats. I’m always interested in the overall design process and how producers build it, how they establish communication with clients and develop timelines to make sure everything gets done. When I work alone, I take that part very seriously and dive deeply into the client’s brief. But at the same time, I recognise the need to stick to deadlines. It’s a pleasant and grown-up process that I like to hold in my hands. I love this mode because it touches not just the producer’s or manager’s side of things – it also lets me step into different roles that matter to me: designer, art director, web designer. I don’t restrict myself to a single role on a project – the joy of freelancing is that I get to be my own art director, producer, designer, marketer.
You say you don’t like constraints – but surely you have your own personal boundaries. What do you find ethically unacceptable in professional work?
The only thing that comes to mind is a certain category of clients I would never work with, especially now: government institutions, military organisations, etc. In terms of creative ideas, I can’t think of anything. Maybe if someone came to me with a very specific request and I realised I couldn’t carry it out professionally – as a designer – then I simply wouldn’t take it on.
Can you recall experiences that you wish had never happened – things you could have done without?
I don’t think so. I agree with the notion that it would’ve been great if certain things hadn’t happened. At the same time, I know I’ve never gone through anything truly dramatic in my career. Every challenge I’ve faced has helped me build a wealth of experience that now enables me to work well and listen to myself. I don’t really regret what’s already passed. We all learn through our own experiences, and from making mistakes in particular. The sooner someone realises and accepts that, the easier it’ll be for them to make mistakes in the future. Because making mistakes is normal. What matters is how you solve problems and come out of situations.
When you make decisions, how much do you rely on logic and reason, and how much on intuition?
It depends on the situation. Sometimes the task is clear and you make decisions purely rationally. But sometimes you realise you need to try something different. You might take a bolder step and suggest something to the client that they hadn’t considered – just to see their reaction and find out if it’s possible within the project. And that’s the most interesting part. Sometimes the idea that comes from intuition or a creative impulse actually works – the client likes it and wants to bring it to life. In my experience, the client often likes the result of that intuitive breakthrough but technical constraints prevent it from being implemented. That’s when you switch back to logic and try to find a way to make it happen. I think it’s important to build both tools as part of your skill set – and to find a balance between logic and intuition.
Tell me a bit about your skill set. What don’t you like about its current state? What would you change or remove?
I’d like to add more patience: sometimes I really struggle with long projects, something that often happens in design. As for what I’d like to remove – I’m a bit of a control freak by nature, and that often shows in my work and even undermines it a little. Constant control leads to constant anxiety. When you try to control everything, you inevitably realise you actually control very little. Sometimes it’s better to let go and give your brain a break.
Does that control-freak mode switch on automatically, regardless of circumstances?
Unfortunately, yes – I often catch myself trying to control something. Sometimes it even gets in the way of moving forward in a project. I hit a kind of block that’s hard to get out of.
What role does anxiety play in your life and work overall?
Anxiety arises wherever you try to control everything – no matter what part of your life it touches. The more I control or think I need to control something, the more anxious I get about it. At work, it’s often tied to uncertainty about whether your result is good, whether colleagues or clients will like it.
How do you measure whether a project is done well?
The most important factor is whether the client is satisfied with the result or not. When the solution resonates with the positioning and communication, when it reflects the brand, when your understanding and the client’s understanding align – that’s a great moment. Because it means that your dialogue and all the work you’ve done together led to a shared solution which works for both of you. I won’t do a project that I find visually unappealing. Otherwise I would become just a pair of hands doing what they’re told.
What other aspects give you satisfaction from a project? What makes you happy?
I always enjoy communicating with other people. That’s another reason I try to work with a variety of people. Everyone interprets visual metaphors slightly differently, everyone thinks differently – it’s always fascinating to observe and take note of that. This observation itself brings me joy because I’m quite an introverted person, and for me it’s a kind of an excuse to interact with people.
What do you value in work? And in life?
My answers will be similar in both cases: for me, it’s empathy. You can’t do design work without it, because you’re constantly in communication with clients and colleagues, trying to understand how they think, what their problems and worries are. It’s very important for me to get to the root of a problem or a mental block. In life it’s the same – you can’t build good communication without trying to understand the other person.
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This interview is part of the documentary project Insights about the people of the ESH design studio. The interview was conducted by Polina Drozhkova.
More information about the project can be found on the website insights.eshgruppa.com.
