How would you define your place in the design universe?
The first thing that comes to mind is that I’m a person who generates ideas. Perhaps, this is the skill I feel most comfortable with at work. It is the one I question the least — the ability to generate concepts.
When did you first realise that you and ideas make a successful combination for work?
It happened right at the beginning when I first started studying design. For several years, I struggled with the gap between what I imagined and what I could draw and present. It frustrated me because I spent most of the project time coming up with something special, but by the end I didn’t have enough time to execute it properly. With experience, this gap started to narrow.
So now you better understand your timeframes for coming up with ideas and their execution?
Yes, and over time the skills of drawing and designing naturally speed up as well. When you have better command of the tools, you can faster shape your ideas into a tangible form.
In the process of working on a project what can cause you stress, frustration, or anxiety?
Overall, it’s related to meeting certain expectations. Whether they’re your own or the ones you project onto others. Any doubts, even minor ones, fall under this larger theme of how precise is time management and how thoroughly the concept was developed. Another thing that causes anxiety is getting stuck, hitting a creative block. When you need to come up with something, but nothing works, and all the ideas or sketches seem silly and don’t pass your internal filter. These things usually improve after syncing with the team when your concerns might be confirmed. But most often, during the discussion you either find a solution or someone tells you it’s not as bad as it seems.
You mentioned an internal filter — would you say that over time you’ve become more kind to yourself or stricter?
That filter used to be much harsher. It was due to having a high threshold to sharing anything with others. It’s not just about design, but any social interaction. I’ve become more skeptical of that internal filter. If I can’t fully understand whether something is good or not, I’d rather share everything that comes to mind with someone else. Our collective filter will be more objective. In other words, I’ve learned to control how much that barrier affects my actions. I might still feel frustrated and dissatisfied with myself, but I’ve learned not to dwell on it and instead seek help and resolution.
How do you get out of a state of frustration?
First of all, time helps. Secondly, switching to something pleasant. When you do anything that makes you feel better, the lens through which you see everything around you, including your work, gets clearer.
Polina's favorite music albums
Have you ever gone through periods at work that you would consider crises?
Yes, it happens when a variety of factors come together — fast pace, complex project, misunderstanding with a client, for example. These moments last for a while and either they pass on their own, or something occurs that gives you a new wave of love for the profession. It’s hard for me to give a recent example, but I clearly remember that during my studies, I had a period that lasted several months where I felt that graphic design wasn’t for me. The turning point came when I started learning new tools like motion design and 3D. That reignited my interest in the profession and helped me get out of that crisis.
How would you define a crisis? Is it the feeling of uselessness, not fitting in, what is the root of it for you?
I’d say crises can be about many things. One of the main issues is when you doubt your place in the profession. But there are also crises where you question whether your profession is meaningful enough, whether it’s useful for the world, in broad terms.
Does discussing these things with friends or colleagues help when you’re questioning your identity or professional calling?
Of course, dialogue always helps in a crisis or in any context, really. Sharing your thoughts with someone, testing their validity, hearing a counter argument or getting support — it fills you with fresh air and new meanings.
From what you’re saying, I assume you’re very comfortable working in a collective and that you’re more of a team player. Or is there something I’m missing?
Actually, I’m more of an introvert by nature. When it comes to the team I’m currently in, ESH, then I’ve been here for a long time, so I feel as comfortable as I possibly can within a collective environment.
But when it comes to interacting with new people, it’s quite stressful for me and always brings some tension.
At the same time, I understand that without communication skills further progress or professional growth are impossible. I hope that at some point I’ll be able to relax more and maybe even start enjoying it. I truly believe in the power of practice and that many things can be trained. It’s impossible to completely get rid of the tension, but its intensity should decrease. At least to the point where you no longer feel like it’s a catastrophe every time.
Why do you feel that communicating with new people is something catastrophic?
I think it’s mostly due to internal stiffness. You just don’t feel confident enough in your communication skills, or in your ability to defend yourself or your project in that dialogue. It’s not a very conscious process. For example, when a call with a new person starts, you just freeze. It’s a feeling you can’t control. Before the call, you knew everything and understood it all, you explained everything perfectly in sync meetings, but then you froze up and lost the thread of the conversation.
At the same time, it’s definitely not about a lack of interest in people. I find people extremely interesting. One of the key parts of our work I enjoy is diving into the client’s vision, their project. So we need to kind of anticipate what the client wants. For that, empathy and sensitivity are essential.
Do you feel your expertise and professionalism in those situations?
I think the feeling of expertise and confidence is a non-linear, unstable process that can change under the influence of many factors. You can’t feel like an expert once and for all. Sometimes you’re aware of how far you’ve come and what work you’ve done, and sometimes you start doubting whether you even have the right to consider yourself a professional. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. But generally, as you gain more experience, the pendulum swings less intensely, and the amplitude definitely decreases. I recall someone’s advice to collect all the positive feedback on your work in a special folder. I never made one technically, but I feel like I have one inside me. And when I start doubting myself, I try to remind myself of that positive feedback.
What’s your view on freelancing?
It’s a good thing as long as it’s not combined with a full-time job. But periodically I still fall into that trap and suffer a bit each time. The difficulty isn’t just about a lack of time, but primarily a lack of cognitive [когнитивных или все-таки ментальных? т.к. Когнитивных будет значить недостаток знаний/способностей, а не « энергии »] resources. Coming up with ideas is a very energy-consuming process, and juggling multiple such processes at once is really tough. You can burn out if you don’t stop in time!
Polina's Favourite Projects at ESH
When you’re in a creative slump and feeling drained, are there any specific things that help you consciously get out of it?
The most important and helpful thing is forcing yourself to rest! During times when you’re under the weight of unfinished tasks, it’s very hard to truly relax. Your mind keeps cycling through all the things you haven’t done yet. You feel like you don’t deserve rest until you’ve finished everything. But that’s a tricky thing because you risk dedicating all your waking hours to work, and that only lowers the chances of having the energy for tough tasks. But if you force yourself, for example, to go swimming for a couple of hours, you wake up the next morning feeling like a completely different person. The workload is still there, but it becomes much more manageable.
Do you have a boundary between work and personal life, do you have them separated?
I think so. I usually spend evenings and weekends with loved ones who aren’t designers, or I engage in activities that are outside the design. It’s important for me not to be completely fixated on one field, to switch things up and have varied interests. There have been times when I took on too much freelance work, and personal time gradually turned into work time. But I don’t see that as normal.
In your opinion, is impostor syndrome an inherent part of a designer’s identity?
I don’t think it affects everyone, but it’s definitely common. Often, it turns out that the people whose work you consider amazing also have doubts about themselves. And that brings some relief — it’s always comforting to know that you’re not the only one dealing with such thoughts and feelings.
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This interview is part of the documentary project Insights about the people of the ESH design studio. The interview was conducted by Polina Drozhkova.
More information about the project can be found on the website insights.eshgruppa.com.
