How would you describe your current position in the design field?
It feels like I’m still at the beginning, even though I graduated from university and have been working with the team at ESH for a year. But I still can’t define what kind of designer I am or what kind of design I do. I’m still searching, and it feels like I have a long way to go to find myself in this field. I need to figure out whether I’m more drawn to graphic design and branding or web design. I think this journey will last quite a while.
Perhaps, even a lifetime.
Most likely yes. But I think at some point you’ll get the feeling that there are things you definitely don’t want to do and others you’ll want to focus on much more.
Do you already have a sense of what you don’t like, what irritates you?
When it comes to studying, this year we had a course on design intersecting with marketing which had a lot about advertising. It wasn’t so much about developing design and visual identity, but more about the other side like promoting it, coming up with copy. That part was the hardest for me, and I’d rather spend more time on research and creating a visual identity than on crafting a marketing strategy.
In terms of work, occasionally there’s some monotonous work that’s draining and doesn’t really give anything back. Like when you’re putting together a lot of templates or doing other repetitive tasks which could be automated, but you have to do them manually. I don’t get any dopamine from that. It feels pointless.
Have you experienced what you might call ‘positive exhaustion’ in design work? When you’ve overworked or put in so much effort that you feel like you can’t go on, but then, in the end, you experience euphoria from the result.
Yes, it does happen, but not as often as I’d like. I might be a bit too self-critical — when I finish a good design, but then I start devaluing it right away. I think I need to rest for a couple of days and then look at the work with fresh eyes. That’s when I can appreciate it and say, ‘Yeah, this turned out really well.’ Sometimes, in the moment, I can’t even tell how much I like the result.
Is it easier for you to praise yourself or criticise yourself?
Criticising is definitely easier. And it’s not just with design, to be honest. It’s a general mental habit. It’s easier to scold yourself than to praise. I try to focus on noticing the good in what I do. But it doesn’t always work out.
Who or what helps you notice the positive things about the projects you work on?
Since I know I tend to feel disappointed with my projects, in those moments I try to stop myself and think about what’s actually cool in the work and redirect my focus from criticism to something positive.
What does that depend on?
It really depends on my mood and emotional state. If I’m feeling inspired, it’s obviously much easier to praise myself and enjoy the results. External feedback is also really supportive. For example, working in a team where you don’t just evaluate yourself but also hear what others think and say. That lowers the urge to constantly look for flaws.
Do you have different levels of self-praise? When you do something really well, what do you think, ‘Now I will…’?
I’ll relax properly without thinking about work, either alone or with friends. In those moments, I feel energy and motivation to move forward. I want to do everything I’ve been putting off for a while—like meeting up with friends, watching movies, visiting cool cafés, buying something that’s been on my wishlist for ages, or planning a trip somewhere. In short, I focus on fulfilling my small (or big) wishes.
How do you deal with criticism?
Maybe because I’ve been hard on myself for so long, I don’t take criticism from others as sharply. I also don’t recall encountering harsh, non-constructive criticism at school or work. I know others have had that experience, but I guess I’ve been lucky in that regard. Right now, I’m not overly concerned about others’ opinions, but I do acknowledge that negative words from a designer I respect could still affect me.
What kind of criticism would you consider harsh? The kind that could shake you from your state where you’re your own biggest critic?
When it is not a healthy criticism of the quality or technique of design, but an emotional reaction. If someone told me that I’m a bad designer overall, not because a specific piece didn’t work out — that, to me, is unfair and biased. It’s important to separate the work from the person, and I expect that from others too.
Dasha's Favourite Music Albums
Have you ever had occasions when your professional identity slipped into your everyday life? Any funny examples of ‘professional deformation’?
Yeah, that definitely happens. For example, what I wear and what surrounds me is really important to me. I want everything to be stylish and well-organised. It’s very inspiring to find things that are both visually and functionally interesting. I might buy a book just because I like the cover or a cute plate. So, I’ve definitely developed an eye for cool little details that non-designers might not notice or understand.
How do you find working in a team?
I enjoy it, it always enriches the work process.
I get to learn how others work, and it’s just more fun than sitting alone, putting something together without being able to discuss it or just chat about life in the moment.
Are there any difficult aspects of teamwork that you’ve identified for yourself?
Sometimes it’s difficult to organise and sync up the workflow. It can be uncomfortable when I realise that my pace is quite different from the team’s. I start comparing myself, wondering why I’m doing more and someone else less. Or the opposite — how someone’s done so much already, and I can’t understand how it’s possible in such a timeframe. In those moments, I try to teach myself that everyone works at their own pace.
I don’t think I’m the most efficient person in terms of time management during work. But now it bothers me much less than before. I’m just trying to find my own rhythm.
Was the stress related to feeling like there’s an objective speed that a decent designer should work at, and you felt you weren’t meeting that standard?
Probably, yes. You see how much someone in your team or study group can get done, and you start feeling like you should work that fast too. But if you can’t, you start thinking that something’s wrong with you.
Where do you think this idea came from, that a good designer is an efficient designer? Did it come from your studies or professional experience?
Partly from my studies, but also from observing the design industry in general, seeing what people post and share in interviews. There’s this overall idea that the process should be efficient, so you try to optimise everything as much as possible. And when you don’t fit into the mental framework you’ve created, you start to stress.
What are your criteria for self-evaluation?
The main thing I evaluate is how I feel in the moment. Now, even if I realise I could’ve done more, I think ‘Well, that’s okay, I still did something.’ I don’t have as much anxiety anymore.
At the end of the day this is all experience. Even when I thought I wasn’t keeping up and doing too little, the end result turned out well, and no one devalued me or said I was inefficient or a slow learner.
How often have you felt imposter syndrome?
To some extent it’s always present. I feel it especially during the early stages of work, like when working on identity design. You might come up with great metaphors and find cool references, but the moment of creating the visual language and system is stressful. If nothing comes together for a while, I start thinking, 'Am I even a designer?’
Who poses the bigger ‘threat’ in such a situation, colleagues or clients?
I’m more concerned about my colleagues’ opinions. I don’t want to present unfinished or failed work.
When working at a studio, the final product is a joint effort brought to the client, so the responsibility is shared among the team. That’s why I don’t feel as much pressure or anxiety.
But freelancing is different. You’re dealing directly with the client, which comes with more responsibility. You don’t want to disappoint neither the client nor yourself.
What’s your attitude towards freelancing overall?
For me, it’s still something quite hard to organise. Clients can be inconsistent and some might reach out and then disappear for two months. I realise it takes a lot of effort and resources to manage everything. Right now, I’m not particularly fond of this type of work, but I’d like to expand my freelancing experience in the future. I want to independently explore design and learn how to structure my work from start to finish. What attracts me to this format is the opportunity to take on a wide range of tasks, experiment and connect to new people.
How do you imagine this independent exploration? Are there specific areas that you’re particularly drawn to right now?
Yes, I’m interested in web design. I enjoy laying out websites and I even know how to implement them in code. I’d like to dedicate more time to exploring web design and take on smaller, local website projects. I also really like generative graphics. I’d love to experiment with integrating them into identity design. It always adds interactivity and flexibility to projects and opens up endless possibilities for experimentation.
How real does the work you do in web design feel to you? Do you perceive it as something conditional, symbolic?
It seems what draws me is the idea that the internet is an infinite space where you can find and do anything. It’s incredibly fascinating, the power of this virtual world lies in its boundlessness and uncertainty.
It’s intangible, but we can see and interact with it which makes it feel quite real. After all, we get information there, and it affects us just like the physical world. So everything that is created online seems real to me, although not like something physical.
Tell me about competition, does it energise you or does it have a negative effect?
I am not really fond of strong competition. It doesn’t motivate me to move forward, quite the opposite. It frustrates me because my attention is focused on others, and I don’t have the energy to focus on myself and my work. To me it’s an unhealthy system when you have to do something just to prove a point to someone else or to be better than everyone else.
I’m better charged with a calmer pace — when I can find joy in the process, compare myself to my past self and celebrate my own growth. I have no inner drive to achieve outstanding success, outdo everyone or be the best. That’s just not me.
What are your professional ambitions?
To find a way to design which would be comfortable for me, to constantly keep learning, researching, to discover new meanings and come up with interesting, non-obvious and engaging concepts and solutions. I want to create something cool and useful that makes the world a little better and more fun. And to inspire others to create and be creative, simply bring positive emotions to people.
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This interview is part of the documentary project Insights about the people of the ESH design studio. The interview was conducted by Polina Drozhkova.
More information about the project can be found on the website insights.eshgruppa.com.
